MARITAL RAPES IN INDIA: AN UGLY REALITY- (Blog)

Marriage is a very pure tie of two human beings based on their common love and respect for each other. When it comes to my view on marriage I completely agree with a dialogue in a famous Indian movie Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna Kehte Hain shaadi ki buniyaad sirf aur sirf beinteha mohhabat honi chaahiye kyunki agar buniyaad galat ho to rishte toot jaate hain (A marriage should always be based on immense love for each other cause a relationship based on anything else can’t continue long).

In our Indian society, every so often marriages are ‘arranged’ by the parents of a girl and a boy. The girl’s family usually considers a boy who is earning well and has some family property a good match for their girl while the boy’s family every so often looks for a good-looking girl who can cook and do other household chores efficiently as being a perfect match for their boy. So, you can understand very well, love is something most disregarded when we talk about marriage in India.

In such a situation, often couples find it difficult to adjust with each-other after marriage. The situation becomes awful especially for women when they get trapped in a bad or abusive marriage. One such very less spoken about the issue which women stuck in abusive marriages face is marital rapes. Yes, you got it right, a woman getting raped almost every day inside her own home by her own husband. This feels so scary, doesn’t it? Just imagine the vulnerability of the woman who can’t raise a voice against the cruelty she is facing because her perpetrator is none other than her own spouse! In case a woman is living with her in-laws, the in-laws also backs their son and his acts. Even her own parents often say the woman, learn to ‘adjust’. Surprisingly rape or the forced sex in a marriage is often measured as something very ordinary and natural. A woman’s consensus is often taken for granted. If the husband is in the vein to do it, he does it without considering the mood and other things about his wife. Marital rapes are often go together with  physical violence against the woman. The wretched and heart-breaking reality of many Indian households.

Like all the other crimes against women in India, marital rapes problem can also be resolved by giving the right nurturing and education to boys. It all starts with the parents saying their boys, ‘You are a boy, you can do anything. You are strong, you cannot cry like girls. You should never do any household tasks as they are to be done only by women. Your wife should always respect you’ and so on. All this shapes up to toxic masculinity in boys from a young age. This must be stopped. If parents start saying things like, ‘Both the genders are equal. You must respect all girls. Stand up for them if you see them being victimized. Help your mom now and later your wife in doing household tasks. There’s nothing wrong in crying when you are hurt’ and other positive and gender-neutral things. Please train your boys to be good human beings and regarding husbands.

We can only expect to see some betterment in the condition of women in our country if we start trying to bridge the huge gender gap seen from ages in our society. We must inspire our girls to be economically independent before we marry them off. We must also be always there to sustenance them in case they face any problem in their lives. Marrying them should never mean to get free of the burden to any parents whether in a village or in a city. Similarly, boys must be skilled to be self-dependent by learning some basic life skills like cooking, cleaning, raising kids etc. They should also be educated to be sensitive and caring human beings instead of being always strong and showing their strength by being abusive.

I don’t see the sense behind Indian law not considering the marital rape as a crime. Marriage is in no way gives a license to a man to have forced sex with a woman against her desires. Men need to realize this and our law needs to criminalize this. Women must understand and recognize the need to help other women who are trapped in an abusive marriage. May the women find the strength to come out of an offensive relationship. We as a society as well as fellow women must give all the possible support to such women.

Let’s stand and fight together and criminalize this crime called as marital rape.

 

--Anushka Kansal

Amity University.